Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
