I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
