he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
