So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
