nut hugger
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
