When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
