Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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