$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
