So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
