please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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