I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
