Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
