Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
