I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
