i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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