Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
