Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
