Four minutes until I can fart!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
