there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
