I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i drank out of a bidet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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