Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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