Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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