I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
