i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
