No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
