You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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