Jerry, you need to find god
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
