I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
