i can't believe i had my finger in that
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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