I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
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Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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