whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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