I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The best revenge is premature balding
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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