I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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