I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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