Kareoke will never be a sober sport
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
