There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
