I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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