im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
