ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
