Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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