Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
pray to the hookup gods
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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