I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
