Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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