I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
