How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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