An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
