I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
