being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
