It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
