I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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