i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
