youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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