he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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