I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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