Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
