what if every blade of grass was a penis?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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