I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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