i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
