Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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