you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
