We're like a lot better than the average bears
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
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max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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