Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
